The "ON" Season...

Since these last few weeks (or months really) have been deemed my "off" season...I guess the recent increase in training means the "on" season is truly upon me...with a new year comes new goals and a new batch of workouts to help me achieve them. If you also haven't realized, this is San Diego and we don't really have an off season...but that being said...my 3 hour workout this morning and the 1 hour swim I have planned for this evening is quite an increase from what I have been doing since U.S. Women's Tri last October (keep in mind I went into Vegas very un-trained and lazy...though that "race" was in December).


The weekend kicked off in style with an easy 2 hour trail run with Bex...the run was a fantastic opportunity to discuss the goals for the year and talk about missed opportunities and learning experiences from the previous year and season...all in all it was a great soul-searching run that was more therapy then run...but 10 miles of dirty, hilly trails is always considered a good day. This is a pic I snapped at the top of the Sweetwater Reservoir...beautiful...

After I got all prettied up again the fam and I headed to the San Diego Zoo...we don't go there nearly enough and it really was nice to walk around and see the animals through the kids eyes...they really enjoyed themselves! So much so that I bought season passes for them!

The next morning, with my legs completely reminding me that it's been a while since my last long trail run, I woke up with the hubby to meet Bex and Jason for a bike/breakfast combo (so really this was my last day of chill workouts and I wanted to enjoy it!). We met out at Otay Lakes near the Olympic Training Center (talk about some motivation!) and rode first to the Broken Yolk Cafe for breakfast...so good! Ate some good food with some of my favorite people...

...then we headed out towards and into Jamul and back. It was really beautiful weather for a ride. The scenery was truly amazing and many times I realized I had lost any speed as I got caught up in the views. During one stop I just had to snap a pic...you can vaguely see Bex and J waiting for Mike and I just up the road...



...Great ride, great friends, great day! We also seem to have a fantastic sense of style and clearly exhibited this with our choice of footwear post-ride (which spins me into a future blog I think...but you'll have to wait for that one).

I had to work Sunday night...and it was a LONGGGG one...capped off by me losing my stethoscope as I chucked it aside to jump on top of a bed and give CPR to a patient...very dramatic really...and yes, the patient lived! Later that night the tech brought me my stethoscope all cleaned and nice...when I asked him where it was he looked at me quite puzzled and said he had found it in the sink! Hmmm...I don't know how to explain that one...let's just say I was more focused on my job then my belongings! Ahh...the many perils and triumphs of my job...again...more fodder for another blog...

Monday I slept later then usual since I was feeling tired and only had time to get a quick 30 minute run in with some hill repeats...also did some strength exercises while Addy played at the park...hey, you gotta do what you can!

Today was bike day...and also my meeting with coach Bryan to discuss the upcoming year. The ride started heading up Mt. Soledad...where I quickly took in the view before heading back down (this is a pic from a previous trip up the beast)...

We then headed down Nautilus and I was thinking I had gotten off easy...ummm...yeah....nope! We head back up Mt. Soledad the back route and still, miraculously, ended up in a place I love to hate...Via Capri (again pic from previous trip that does NOT do it justice!)...

After that it was a 1 hour run to top off the 2 hour ride...then lunch and planning sesh with coach to discuss the goals for the new year (another blog...again)...and tonight it's a 1 hour swim...holy moly artichoke...here we go!

Perceptions...

So I've been motivated by my best buddy Bex (say that 5 times fast) to really put it all out there. I've had the refreshing realization recently (seriously...what is with me) that there are perceptions that other people hold of me that simply aren't true (shocker, I know). But in this case these perceptions led to lots of hurt feelings and bruised egos (well, mine anyway). I finally realized that there really aren't many people that truly know me...the me I hide most of the time...the me that cries at the end of a marathon or screams and cusses during a long bike ride...the me in my head that yells negativity so loud it's all I can do to squelch the voice and push on. I was told by a good friend that people see me as tough...and someone who doesn't give up easily...and I was really thrown for a loop. I guess I never really stopped to think about the perception others have of me. I can almost count on one hand those who have seen me in that dark place...my husband, my mother, my best friend (Bex) and her husband (Jason), Alli (who has trained with me and finished a marathon with me and also survived nursing school and our new job with me), and Jessica (the girl responsible for training me for my first marathon and running 2 of them with me and another nursing school survivor)...that's really it. Maybe there are more but honestly not many. Only these people have seen the me that dwells inside the tough exterior. The me that begins to cry, cuss, bitch, moan, make excuses...and lots of other lovely things when pushed beyond the comfortable boundaries I have set for myself. The me that gives up if the day doesn't pan out right for a workout...who instead turns to comfort instead of trying to make a new plan (for some reason I can think of plan B when racing, but not training). If others really know how much I have given up in my own head millions of times, they might be shocked.

It's a funny thing really...as I know that I have accomplished a lot...but my bigger accomplishments have been at shorter distances. It seems I can shut off my brain long enough to leave it all out there for a sprint or Olympic distance race, or a half marathon even...but put me out there longer and the demons begin to surface...and they aren't pretty. They first begin to whisper to me that I'm slow...so, so very slow...that others are passing me and I don't have a prayer to catch up to them...that I'm being left behind. They they taunt me louder that I don't have enough training...I didn't swim enough...I didn't bike enough...I didn't ride enough...I have too little sleep...too much on my plate to take this on...just give up now because it will be easier. Eventually as I try to ignore them...they shout...you are bonking...you have nothing left...how will you ever finish...you aren't going to reach your goal...give it up...you are nothing. Yeah...nothing. So there I am...out there alone (or maybe not alone but in my head I am in a totally desolate place)...no one can rescue me here...except me. As the years have gone on I have become more adept at quieting these monsters...but each new challenge brings more players to the table inside my mind...and they have new messages that I have to learn to intercept, rewrite, or trash...and it's a long learning curve.

So there it is...I guess 2011 is about shattering the perceptions that others have of me...and possibly the perceptions I have of myself. This year is about being more real...real about my abilities, my inabilities, my limitors, my strengths...and what I have to really work with. I have the capability to be fast, really fast...but I have to work hard at it. I am not that great at going far...and luckily this year isn't about distance...so when I attempt distance I need to give myself a break and possibly an out ;) I am a great runner, a decent swimmer (though I have let that slide considerably) and an evolving cyclist...but I am not perfect at any of them...and only mildly skilled at putting them together. I have challengies with my nutrition...and those are going to take a long time to iron out...but I am trying. I have a family that needs me...but I also need to have my time so I can be more present and in the moment for them. I have a full time, stressful, night shift job...I adore it with everything I am...but it take ALOT out of me...trying to flip and flop between days and nights leaves me exhausted and unmotivated...lots of work to do there too.

Basically I am a huge work in progress...but aren't we all?? What fun is life without a few challenges? But for tonight I am going to revel in my self imposed day off (sorry Bryan), drink some wine with my bestie and my hubby, make some plans, eat some candy (as I'm swearing it off on Monday) and just enjoy the moment...tomorrow is a new day...and a fantastic two hour trail run to boot...I'm ready to embrace the challenges, jump over the hurdles, and hang on tight...who's with me? :)

Revelations...

...not resolutions. This year I am following the trend and NOT making any resolutions. Actually I'm doing something totally different for myself and actually stopping for a minute to pause and really reflect on the year that has passed. As I get older it seems that time moves faster and faster...I know everyone told me this when I was younger and I never believed them...but alas it is true...and then when you dare to venture and have children of your own it seems as if time moves into warp speed...it's truly an awful phenomenon.



This past year has been a very momentous one for me, both personally and professionally. My baby started preschool this year (yep, tears were shed) and my oldest made his way into first grade. I am stunned that they have grown so much (see previous part about this awful phenomenon) but so proud of the little people they are becoming (ok, not always so proud...but mostly).

I graduated college with my Bachelor of Science in Nursing. This was a very long, hard road and it was so rewarding to finally reach the end of it. I also marked my first anniversary as a nurse in the medical intensive care unit. I am blessed with an amazing job that I am thankful for everyday. I am also constantly reminded about how little I know and how much there is to learn. But on the same token, everyday is a little better and I am putting the pieces together more and more...it is a constant learning experience for me...and I adore it.

I completed my first half ironman (what about half of this blog is about!) and was able to make another check mark on the long theoretical "bucket list" of my life. Although I won't attempt this again for a few years, I will definitely be back and will go beyond this to do an Ironman someday...ahh and the "bucket list" always seems to grow. But I did qualify for age group nationals recently and am very proud of that accomplishment as well...Vermont here I come!



2010 also marked the year I started with my amazing coach Bryan Hill of Catalyst Endurance Coaching. I had always considered myself competitive but Bryan has brought out the true competitor in me...and she is ready for some bling...so 2011 better bring it...cause I'm ready.



There have been so many other wonderful moments of 2010 that I wish I could remember...there are also other moments I wish I could forget. Like anyone I have had my ups and downs...if you know me you were probably there and I must thank you for the support and love and help to get through it all. But mostly I am just grateful to have had another year doing what I love and loving what I do. I am surrounded with love, life, and people who mean the world to me.

As 2011 comes around in a few short hours I will start it off with a bang and cross yet another activity off my proverbial list by completing a century tomorrow morning. There will be no medal at the end, only the sense of accomplishment I always get from doing something I once thought impossible. But the best part is that I will be doing the distance with people I hold very close to my heart...it will be epic...and painful! I have many goals this year...but those will come and go and at the end of the day all I will be left with is myself, my family, and my friends...those things never change. I will keep my eyes on the prize but I will also not forget to stop and smell the roses (I'm really digging the proverbs right now!)...like one of George Strait's new songs says:

Life's not the breaths you take
The breathing in and out
That gets you through the day
Ain't what it's all about
You just might miss the point
Trying to win the race
Life's not the breath you take
But the moments that take your breath away

Although I will be trying to win the race (some of them in my age group anyway)...I won't forget to remember what is really important in my life.

I am so grateful for the year that has gone by and exceedingly hopeful for the year about to come...may it bring joy, peace, and love to my family and those I love...see you next year!

What happens in the off season...or is that Vegas??

Wow...I'm officially a lazy blogger...I didn't even bother with a race report from my last tri! And that was a great one too! Instead I've been living up the "off season" and pretending to run in Vegas. But to summarize my last tri...it freaking rocked! I did U.S. Women's Triathlon in October and came in 3rd in my age group. I figured out about a week prior to the race that since the race was USAT and it was after September, if I placed in the top 10% of my age group then I would qualify for USAT Age Group Nationals in Vermont in August 2011...so that was my goal...and I can now say...mission accomplished! I'll be traveling to Vermont in August next year to compete against crazy age groupers for a chance to go to USAT World's in 2012...here's hoping!

The next adventure was to try to get back into running shape for Las Vegas RNR half marathon. I initially wanted to run a 1:39 to 1:45...to beat my current half PR of 1:49...BUUUUTTT as the "off season" went on my desire for candy, treats, and all things bad increased and my will to run fast decreased...but onward I went. My husband, Mike, would also be running this as his first half marathon. It was going to be quite a race!

We headed up to Vegas a few days before the race since Mike had never been there (I know! Can you believe that?!)...and began to live it up Vegas style. Now I didn't get crazy and drink a ton (actually nothing till after the race)...but my gluten free diet was severely compromised and I'm pretty sure I was second-hand smoking roughly a pack a day. Come race morning I thought that maybe I could hold on to the 7:45-8:00 min/mile I would need to achieve my goal...but I wasn't entirely sure. I had had a great few runs prior to heading out to Vegas and was thinking that maybe my internal motivation would kick in and bring me home...but alas...this was not to be. By mile 5 my heart rate was already in the mid 170's. Now this by itself is not a cause for concern for me usually...I hit 170's when I'm on goal pace no problem...but I was way off goal pace...I was struggling for the 8:45's I was getting...and at that moment I knew there was no PR to be had that day...and I strangely was entirely ok with it. At mile 6 another runner came up beside me and kept pace...I looked over and was overjoyed to see Mike running next to me. He could tell I was hurting and told me he wanted to finish his first race with me...I wanted to cry. He was feeling great and could easily have left my *ss...but love won over competitiveness and he hung around (minus a few reminders from me to slow the F down!). We finished together...I was just grateful to be done...and he was super stoked...in fact now he is seriously contemplating doing a full marathon...oh crap...what did I start?! But we finished out our time in Vegas with a show for the kids (Tournament of Kings), a large Pina Colada for me, and a nap for all...it was a great weekend overall. I was especially blessed to share it with my extended tri family and also a great group from Rehab United (I'm totally biased since my coach, Bryan Hill, is the co-owner of this amazing establishment).

But now I'm home and reality has hit that I have another half marathon less then 6 weeks away (Carlsbad)...and I would like to do well there! And only a few short weeks later I will be attempting my first century ride followed stupidly the next morning by another half marathon...which I am told I will run sub 1:40...sure thing Bry! ;) So it is back to the grindstone...diet on, workouts on...only some rest and crappy food...I know it's the holidays...but tri season is just around the corner and I have a lot of crushing to do next season (in my head at least)...so onward I go into this crazy lifestyle I have so whole-heartedly embraced.

Until next time...thanks for reading...see you out there!

Hey! It's a medal...a.k.a...Mission Bay race report...

These last 3 weeks have been solely devoted to speed training. Since I spent the entire first part of the season training for a half IM and then did an Oly in September, it was time to get the body used to going fast again. And all I can really say about that is DAMN! That crap hurts! Bryan generally has me train by heartrate and some pace goal stuff...but for the most part I get to chill on the bike with the HR in the 160's while doing my TT stuff...and the run is usually in the 170's...definitely not a comfortable feeling. Since I was used to the longer, slower stuff...this is tough. This morning I woke up totally not wanting to race...but honestly, that is how I have felt for the last few races and pulled out a good race...so strangely I took this as a promising sign. I had no delusions of a podium finish today since I know this race brings out the fast girls...everyone loves to race Mission Bay as it's usually the last race of the season for most (except my awesome Kona friends!). So my only goal out there was to have the best race I could muster up...and to not hold back.

Upon waking I zoomed into race mode and got all my stuff together, got dressed, got the fam together, and headed out caravan style with Bex and Erika. Bex graciously auctioned off her entry for our CAF team (instead she swam 1000 meters and ran 9 miles!!!) and Erika was swimming as part of a relay. Mom raced today as well and Mike and the kiddos came along as race support. So we all headed down to Mission Bay and made it there and parked within 15 minutes...even got great parking! When I went into transition I set up and did my normal walk around...I noticed that there were SO many racks for Wave 2 (my wave 25-29). I glanced at the bikes on them and didn't see too many tri bikes...ok...so maybe there are a lot of newer folks here. I chatted for a while, went back to the fam at the RU tent, did my warmup, dressed and started to casually walk to the swim start. As I was walking the announcer happened to mention that all 25-29 women should be in the water...oh crap!! I threw on my goggles and flew down the ramp and into the water...I didn't even notice if it was cold because I was afraid of missing my wave!

I made it in time and the gun quickly went off. My goal for the swim was to actually push myself...I usually end of letting myself cruise the distance (even a sprint) so I tried really hard to keep a good pace. I saw a few girls pull away and knew I couldn't hold them, but soon enough I felt like I had dropped most of the pack. I really didn't think of much while I was swimming except I could see this chick on my right side doing backstroke. I figured she was newer and was freaking out about her wetsuit. What I also noticied is that I was having a hard time dropping her! She was backstroking like a freaking champ! It made me so mad...so I threw in another gear and kicked it out of there. As I came out of the water I heard mom yelling that I had done a great job...with that I knew I had a fairly good position out of the water (Momma don't lie!). I entered transition and only saw 3 other girls there (the first place girl was already gone!).

I headed out on my bike quickly and passed 2 girls right at the beginning. I didn't know exactly where I was...but knew I was close to the front of my age group. The bike course for Mission Bay is actually nice except there are a lot of turns in the beginning...hard to get down in aero until after Seaworld. But I tried to jam it as fast as I could. I couldn't read my heartrate because the monitor was still wet so I just went off speed. I didn't want my mph to fall under 20 if I could help it (average pace ended up being 19.7...my fastest yet). As I flew around Fiesta I played leapfrog with some little boys (the under 24 boys) and silently laughed as I chicked them. Then I made it off the island. I was stoked because no other female had passed me yet. If you know me, you know the bike is my achilles heel in this sport. I always lose my races on the bike...but I'm finally putting in the work on it and seeing improvement...and it's a great feeling! I came around the corner as I exited Seaworld and this other girl in my age group passed me. I worried a little but just tried to hold onto her as we came over the bridge and into transition...I figured that hopefully she wasn't a great runner and I could catch her there. I flew into T2 and out as fast as I could.

I headed out onto the run sub 6:30 min/mile. I knew I wouldn't hold this pace but figured I would go with it as long as I could...which wasn't long. I slowed down to my normal 5K pace between 7 and 7:45 (overall avg was 7:24 min/mile). I could see the other girl about 100 yards in front of me and set about trying to close the gap. I was feeling great...HR monitor was finally reading and showing 170's...which was fine...so I just kept going at it. But even when I tried to push it I couldn't catch that girl to save my life! It was frustrating but I really didn't know where I was in the placing...so I just made sure no one else passed me! As I came into the home stretch towards the finish line I knew there wasn't anyone in my age group behind me. I crossed the line and saw the same girl standing there with 2 others who clearly had finished racing. At that point I was pretty sure I had taken 4th place. I was excited, but also disappointed that I had lost 3rd by such a narrow margin.

Fast forward to the awards ceremony...low and behold they gave awards 5 deep in my age group since there were over 100 girls in the group! SCORE!! That means I got my very own medal! So needless to say I'm happy with my performance, stoked about the medal, and ready for 2 more weeks of speed training going into Women's Tri. That will be my last tri of the season and I will definitely be trying for a 1-3rd medal...end out the season right...and hopefully as a reminder to next season of where we are going.

Thanks to everyone who cheered and yelled out there today. It was so helpful and motivating! Loved seeing all my buddies out there tearing up the course...so many PR's today. Thanks to my family for dealing with my race day moodiness. Thanks to Bryan and RU for being amazing support and coaching. And thanks to Bex and Mike for the last "victory 5K" after the race...yeah...coach made me run MORE after the race. :) Anyway, now looking forward to a restful evening with good food and good friends. Onto the next!

Getting the lead out...

So I never really thought about the recovery part of doing a longer distance triathlon. I've read other blogs that talk about loosing the "pop" in one's legs (Whit) after a full ironman but I always that something reserved for those that pushed themselves the full distance. I figured I would skate away from this half IM business as right as rain...not fresh per se...but feeling fine and jump back into training with no problem.



Not so much...my body and mind had/has other ideas entirely. My first run post half IM was intended to be a 4 mile easy run. Now my normal idea of easy is a 9 to 9:30 min/mile pace...but I honestly couldn't push myself lower then a 10 min/mile. Ok, fine...I could tolerate this. It had only been 4 days since the race. My body wants to go slow...ok...I'll deal. Well as I got about 1.5 miles in I started to get a side-ache. I looked at my watch thinking that maybe I had started going too fast...ummmm...hello!! My watch said I was running an 11 min/mile! WTF!??!! Fine!! So I slowed down a little more...ugh...11:30 min/mile...I haven't seen this type of pace since I first started running in 2007...fine...whatever...let's just finish this thing. So I keep going...I glance at my watch more frequently because I'm really tired and I'm running so dang slow! At around 2.5 miles...my body is screaming...I want to stop...I want to walk...my side is aching...so I do. I walk. I stop. I rest. Wow...I haven't had to walk on a run in years...years people. THIS is humbling. My body is telling me exactly what it wants...and I am forced to listen. I ended up only finish 3.85 miles in over 46 minutes...that is an AWFUL pace for me. But I chalk it up to recovery...tired legs...and give thanks for what my body has already accomplished.



The next day I take off in order to give my body the benefit of the doubt. I worked that night and felt ok being up all night. When I got home the next morning I only intended to sleep a few hours since I was fairly sure I was going to get called off. Again, my body had other plans and I slept until 4:30 p.m. Wow...but I did get called off so I decided to do an easy interval run that Bryan had written for me. It was a 20 minute warmup in my hilly neighborhood. I took the 11 min/miles with a grain of salt considering the hills. When my first interval rolled around I started to pick up the pace. I intended to run the intervals at half marathon race pace...about an 8:20 min/mile. Again...I was foiled by my body. I could only run the intervals at a max pace of 9:30 min/mile...this was getting really old. Whatever...I finished out the intervals and ran the rest of the time back to my house. I was exhausted and frustrated...but was getting the idea that I possibly could be in for more then I imagined. I took the next day off again...figuring that maybe my body was screaming for more rest. My nutrition was great, I was on top of my vitamins...and being fairly good about hydration...but I simply could NOT go fast to save my life.



Today was my first swim since the race. It was supposed to be an hour swim. No intervals...just swimming with some drills. I swam my first 500 without really looking at my pace...it felt good to be in the water. The next set I started timing my 100's. Before Barb's I could sustain easily 1:30's per 100. No problem...when really trying I could push into the 1:20 zone. My first 100 was 2:00...ok...fine, I wasn't really trying anyway. So I tried to push a little harder on my next set. 1:58...for real??!! Ok...let's kick it up a notch...1:57...ugh...ok, no holds barred...let's go race pace...1:48!!! Geez! I swam a few more laps and got out...my body was just not on board today. I swam a total of 30 minutes...wow...real rockstar there! Oh well...I swam, right?



Tomorrow is a brick day...hill repeats for an hour followed by a 45 min run with intervals. I no longer have any expectations of my performance other then to do the time. I will not fret over my pace, my legs, my lungs...anything. I will just be grateful for the ability to simply move forward. I am so happy to be able to put one foot in front of the other. My body has done so much for me that I finally realize that I'm going to have to cut it some slack. I will not be in top form for a while longer...and that's ok. My next race is still over a month away...I have plenty of time to find my speed again...and I know I will. As long as I take care of myself, sleep when I need to, stay on top of my nutrition, work out smart...I will be ok. I will get there...eventually. And never again will I underestimate the power of recovery!!!

Finding my limits...Barb's Race 2010

I finally finished it. Barb's Race is over...it was a LOOONNNGGG road there...and now it's over. I still can't believe it's done and I have to move on now. My life is no longer defined as "training for Barb's Race." Now I have to set my sites on other goals and figure out my next move...but for now I'll just post my race report so I never forget the moments I had at this race...it was a whole different world out there.

The entire trip was amazing...I had a blast...and I hope to never forget it. We left on Wednesday morning...early. We drove up to a good friends house in Vacaville and stretched our travel weary legs. I tried to go on a short 30 minute jog and wound up calling Bryan in a panic. It was ridiculously hot there and I suffered way more then I was used to. Bryan gave me some good tips on how to deal with the heat which involved slamming even more sodium and water then I already was. I felt like a bloated cow but hoped it would all pay off on race day.

The next day we relocated to Santa Rosa and our fantastic Motel 6 with Bex and Randi. We went on a "short" 11 mile ride that was supposed to only be 30 minutes...but we got lost...go figure :) We followed that up with a 1 mile run and called it a day. Bryan had suggested we take an ice bath...so we did. Um...let me just say that this was my first ice bath ever. OWWW!!! It was pretty painful up until the point where my lower body went numb. After 5 minutes I was out of there...and my legs felt pretty good.

On Friday we drove over to the swim start and met up with a bunch of TCSD'ers...the feeling of being surrounded by our "family" helped me calm down and feel more at home. After a very short swim we rented some canoes with the Lewis' and paddled around like idiots...it was perfect. Mike and Jason played on a rope swing overhanging the river...it was pretty funny. If we hadn't had a race the next day I know Bex and I would have joined in the fun...but the last thing we needed was to get hurt. From there we drove to the expo at Windsor High School. It was hot and crowded there as we checked into the race, set up our T2, and listened to the pre-race talk. They showed a short video from the previous 10 years of Barb's Race...the emotions got to us as we all had tears slipping down our faces...we were in bad shape. I also realized I was one of only 5 cancer survivors racing Barb's Race this year...kind of a special feeling as the whole race is centered on raising funds for cancer research. Barb herself was there to welcome us and say a few words. It was nice to know we were racing for a reason. We went to Applebee's for dinner and slammed our last pre-race boost powder and yet more water. Bex and I shared some steak, riblets, and carbs...and then it was off to pack and sleep. Before I went to bed I said a few prayers and spoke to my Grandma (who died with I was 7). I told her that when I felt a calm wash over me on race day that I would know she was with me...

The next morning I woke up in a complete calm state of mind. I knew then that Grandma had heard me...I was ready. I ran into Bex's room and started jumping on her bed. I was so excited that in less then 12 hours this journey would be over!! We got ready, packed up, and left for the river. I had preloaded my iPod with pre-race music and I listened to it all the way there. It really helped keep all my nerves at bay. When we arrived I was overwhelmed at the race atmosphere. People of all shapes and sizes surrounded us. So many Ironmen and women...I was in awe!! We set up our T1 area and began our preparations. Sunscreen went on, bodies were marked, porta potties were visited, food was consumed, stretches occurred...and it was time to say goodbye to our families. With a few last words we entered the water. I had been calm up until then...but all at once a wave of panic hit. I focused on Grandma and Breezy (Mark's daughter that was killed in a car accident in May...we had her bracelet on and her name on our calves)...and I was calm again.

The water was warm as I did a few warm up strokes. Then without any warning the horn went off. I was caught by surprise but quickly put my head down and started swimming. It was beautiful. I felt strong and confident. As I went I dodged people from the previous waves and just kept going. My hands hit bottom a few times but before I knew it I was at the turnaround. I never actually looked at my watch until I exited the water. Not bad...36 minutes...just 1 minute over my target time. Awesome! I ran up the ramp to the wetsuit strippers...they are the best things ever!!! I wish we had these at every race! My suit was off in a flash!! I shoved it in the bag and ran over to my bike. I saw Mike there and gave him no warning and threw the bag and wetsuit at him...I kind of took him by surprise...but he was a trooper and continued to encourage me. I ran out of T1 and tried to get on my bike...but the hill got the best of me and I ended up running my bike up to the flat area....

The bike is usually my worst of the 3 sports. I have always called myself a slow biker, just barely hanging on. This day was different. I felt strong out there...and I was having fun! The rolling hills kept me busy as I constantly shifted gears and had to focus on the turns and other riders. I passed way more riders then I thought I would. I was having a blast. It was 32 miles in before I even glanced at my watch and realized I was on time for a fantastic bike split (for me). I flew up Chalk Hill (well flew in my terms)...and as I descended my bike started to make a horrible sound. I didn't feel anything different except the brakes were a little off, but they still worked. I could see that I hadn't flatted...so just kept rolling. The whole time I was promising Bella (my bike) that when we got home I would give her new tires and give her the best bath ever if she would just get me through the last 10 miles and into T2. She heard me and we sailed into T2 with no problem....total time 3:09...only 9 minutes slower then my "pie in the sky" bike split goal...and I later figured out the noise was someone's race sticker had gotten stuck between my brake and my tire...whew!

I set off on the run feeling amazing. I had consumed all of my Infinit (one double batch with 600 calories) as well as some Sharkies and Sport Beans. I was a little behind on the water but figured I could make it up. The first mile flew by around 7:15 min/mile (wayyyyyy too fast to start out)... When I realized this I slowed down as I came into the first aid station. I took 2 cups of water, one for my head and one for me. I felt ok but I was starting to slow down already. My face was feeling really flushed as I headed into the first hilly area. About 3 miles in I knew I was in trouble. I had originally planned on shooting for 8:30's for the first 5 miles, 8:15's for the next 5 miles, and sub 8's for the last 3.1. I knew I was totally capable of this...but now I was struggling to stay under a 9 min/mile. In that moment I realized I was not going to be able to get a sub 2 hour half marathon this day...and I simply adjusted my expectations. Instead of beating up on myself and being disappointed I just thanked my body for what it had already done for me and asked it to just get me to the finish line in under 6 hours. I looked at my watch and quickly did the math...I knew that unless I bonked really hard I could get in around 5:55 or so. I was so happy with this I didn't even feel bad that I wasn't going to make my original 5:30 goal (a goal that could only have been made if ALL things had gone perfectly...but this is real life...and it's not perfect). I struggled for the rest of the run. The heat, the hills, and my inability to get in enough water really did me in. I later realized I had taken in way too much Infinit without enough water during the bike and now my body was feeling it. I was bloated and cramping. I did what I could to get down 1.5 GU's and some water and Gatorade. I took every opportunity I could to get wet and there were plenty of spectators to help...lots of hoses and water guns on the course. It was great. I saw my family as I headed out on my second lap and their support was exactly what I needed to complete the last 4.4 miles. I also saw Bex, Randi, and Kara out on the course...knowing we were all suffering together made it bearable. As my watch beeped to let me know I only had 0.1 miles to go I felt a feeling of elation...and then felt awful because I still had 0.1 miles to go...until you have been there you don't understand how far that really is! I rounded the corner to the finish line and could see my mom and Mike there. I heard my family yelling my name and I lost it. I crossed the finish line and fell into my mom's arms as she put my medal on me. Barb (of Barb's Race) place a purple orchid lei around my neck as I was the first survivor to cross the finish line. Mike and mom held me up as I was crying and had a hard time walking...I was done...so so done. I found my family...sat down...had some water...poured some more water over me...and began to wait for the rest of my girls. My family was so proud and their love and support was overwhelming...I can never thank them enough. Total time 5:56.

I was there when Bex crossed the finish line to put her medal on her (being a survivor has it's benefits)...and we hugged...and cried. We waited for Randi and took some photos...then we went back to the hotel. I was spent. I was sore, hot, tired, and hungry. But I felt so accomplished. We went to Applebee's again for dinner that night...our table was absolutely covered with food. I have never seen so much food on one table...we had to keep explained that no we weren't crazy...we had just finished a half ironman (as if our race shirts didn't already tell the story). I slept like a baby that night and woke up refreshed (might have been the ice bath...who knows). I really enjoyed the rest of my vacation and am well on my way to recovery now.

It has been a few days since my race and I am still so happy with how I did. As my girls start to sign up for more races I am forced to ponder my future in this sport. Randi is going to embark on her first Ironman journey next year and I am so happy to standby and watch...and cheer. Bex will compete in another 70.3 in New Orleans next April...and again...I will standby and cheer...and support, and encourage. But I won't be joining them. Not for a while. After talking with my family and my coach I have come to the decision that I will be focusing on short races for the next 2 and a half years until my daughter goes to kindergarten. Not only will this maximize my time with my family until both of my children are in school and I can train while they are gone anyway, but I can focus on speed. I am entering my 4th season of triathlon and I have yet to set foot on a podium for my sport. I would really like to spend some time up there. At Solana Beach I realized I have the capacity to be fast and go even faster. I have the mental toughness to push my limits on the short circuit...and I'm hoping that these next few years of training will increase this toughness to allow me to push for longer. The girls I look up to in this sport rocked short course before they started rocking longer distances...and I hope to follow them. My Ironman is not over...just put on hold for now. I know I want to go to Clearwater...and eventually Kona. But for now I want to kill it at shorter races. I want to focus on half marathons as well...Boston will come later. I really want to see what I have in me...find my extra gears...and really use them. I want to race with the big girls...watch out ladies...here I come!!!

But all joking aside, I am hopeful for the rest of this season and the next few ahead of me. But first I have to thank all those who helped me get here. First, my family...mom and Mike and my kids. They have given up so much to help me reach my crazy goals...and I am forever grateful to them all. Without them I never would have accomplished a sub 6 hour half ironman on my first try. Thank you all...I love you. To my friends who have gone without my company for a while...thanks. I know I have been MIA...but I'm back. I promise...wine nights, family bbq's...the works...let's plan it. To my training partners...thank you for pushing me to my limits...you have made me the triathlete I am...and I look forward to still training with you all when we can...and to cheering you on in the meantime. You are all amazing athletes and I can't wait to see what you accomplish in the future. And last, but not least...Bryan, Rehab United, and Catalyst Endurance Coaching...thank you, thank you, thank you. You have helped me reach the potential I am capable of at this point and I know that you will help me do great things in the future. You are an amazing, inspiring coach and I look forward to many more years of fabulous, crazy coaching from you. You were the luckiest thing I stumbled upon this season and I am so grateful I did.

As I finish I just want to say another thanks to everyone that encouraged, inspired, and pushed me to get where I am now. Everyone has helped me on my journey...I am looking forward to the future...I love you all...